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August 20, 1999

On my walk tonight "In your eyes" by Peter Gabriel came on Pandora. Haven't heard that song in forever. Funny that today, on what would have been our 15th wedding anniversary, it plays. It made me smile thinking back on that beautiful Friday evening that Jon and I were married. We had a 1920s, Great Gatsby sort of theme with Big band music. I had a big white dress, my bridesmaids wore summery pale yellow dresses and we carried bouquets of white daisies. Jon and his groomsmen were in pin stripe zoot suits complete with fedora and chain. All of our friends and family were there, we danced and sang and it was perfectly planned exactly as I always wanted.

I think that the memories of my first wedding and short marriage are happy because I am in a really great place in my life right now and am comfortable looking back at the good and the bad times with appreciation for all of it because those experiences made me who I am today. I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for Jon. I wouldn't have these amazing children if he and I wouldn't have pursued IVF together and I wouldn't be with my (much-better-match-for-me) husband now if Jon wouldn't have left. I know that I'm a better mother, better wife and better person overall from those experiences.

I'm also sad today that Jon isn't here for me to share these memories with and offer him my forgiveness and appreciation for making me a mother and helping me become the strong independent woman that I am today.

I had to dig these photos out of the shed, in the dark, because I really loved that day and wanted to share the awesomeness of those suits with you.


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